Resurrection by: Lorelie "It's over Jim, let him go." Jim heard Simon's voice, feeling the arms around him tighten as he struggled against them. 'No,' he thought, 'this can't be happening, not like this. Come on Chief, don't do this to me.' he implored. Suddenly his ears picked up a sound, "He's alive!" "Jim, come on, you've got to let it go." He turned pleading eyes toward his Captain. "Simon, you don't understand, his heart is beating, I can hear it now." "Jim..." "Sir, please" Simon sighed, then looked at the paramedics. They had heard the exchange and were already working on hooking up an EKG machine to Blair's chest. Their hearts were breaking along with everyone else's after the scene they had just witnessed. "My God, he's right," one of them said, watching the display on the screen, "I've got a rhythm." "I've got respiration, too," the other one responded incredulously. "Come, let's get him loaded and to the hospital." The initial relief that Jim had felt when he heard the paramedics confirm what his enhanced hearing had already told him was dashed after his partner had been examined by the medical staff at the hospital. He, Simon, Megan, Brown and Rafe had sat in the waiting room, hopeful of good news. It had not come. "I'm afraid he was deprived of oxygen for too long." was the final diagnosis from Dr. Mitchell, the emergency room physician. "But he started to breath on his own, isn't that a good sign?" Megan asked. Dr. Mitchell sighed. "Unfortunately, it really won't make much difference. He's in a coma now, one that he most likely will not come out of. The lack of oxygen caused severe damage to his organs, and eventually, they'll begin to shut down." She gave them all a sad smile. "I really am very sorry, I wish there were something more, but right now, all we can do is make him comfortable." *** Now, in the middle of the night, Jim sat next to Blair's bed in ICU, the sense of loss he had felt in front of that fountain coming back to him twofold. Simon had tried to convince him to go home, get some rest, but Jim knew that would be impossible, not while his partner lay dying in a hospital bed. "I deserted him when he needed me, when Alex went after him, I am not going to let him die alone." he had told Simon. The despair he felt was overwhelming, not only the impending loss of his best friend, but the way the friendship had ended, with mean, angry words. Angry words that he knew he could never take back. *** Blair suddenly found himself standing alone on an empty plain, a vast expanse of nothingness. The feeling of isolation was overpowering. He looked around in vain for someone, anyone who could tell him what was going on. Suddenly came a soft voice, one that was vaguely familiar. "Welcome, Blair, it's nice to see you again." Before the anthropologist's eyes, a man appeared, his reddish- blond hair reflecting light from some unknown source. The man drew closer and placed his hand on Blair's arm. "Gabe?" "Yes, my son. I am glad you remember me." "Well it's kind of hard to forget someone who dies but whose body keeps disappearing. I told Simon that there was more to you than meets the eye." Blair looked around him. "No disrespect, Gabe, but I guess I always figured that heaven would be a bit more than this." "This isn't heaven, Blair." He turned confused blue eyes toward the angel. "What? I mean you're here, so I know it's not hell. So where is this place?" Gabe smiled, "It's called many things. Think of it as a resting place where your soul waits after it leaves your mortal being and before you enter heaven." "Well why am I here? I mean, I am dead right? I remember Alex coming into my office, telling me she was going to kill me." The angel placed his hand on Blair's shoulder. "She did try, Blair, and you are dying, but I have good news. The powers that be know that there is much more good you can do on earth, and have decided to let you make the choice whether you want to let your soul continue on to heaven or return to your mortal body. You can live Blair." Gabe squeezed the young man's shoulder and gave him a radiant smile. "Maybe I don't want to live." Blair replied quietly. Now it was the angel's turn to give a confused look to Blair. "What do you mean you don't want to live. You're so young, you have so much more to do with your life. Why would you decide to leave the life you have on earth? This, heaven, will be here for you when you are ready to claim it, when it is truly your time." Tears formed in the young man's eyes. "That's just it Gabe, I really don't have a life to return to. You're an angel, man, you must know what goes on down there. I mean it's not like anyone will really miss me. At least here, they'll be some people that I know, that care about me, like Roy and Janet." "Blair, what makes you think no one care about you down there?" "Oh sure, there are people that I know at Rainier, but lets face it, they're not really friends, more like acquaintances. They'll come to the funeral, express their sorrow, and then get on with their lives." "What about your friends in the police department?" "Oh, come on," Blair snorted, "We both know that most of them only really tolerate me because I worked with Jim, and as for Detective Ellison, we both know what he really thinks of me." "Oh, Blair, you are so very wrong about all of that. Those people care about you, more than you can know." "Yeah right." "It's true, come on, I want to show you something." Gabe waved his hands in the air and suddenly a picture appeared in front of them. Blair saw himself lying on the grass near the fountain that Alex had tried to drown him in. He heard Jim's frantic pleas to him to breath, the sob that escaped Megan when the paramedic told them all there was nothing else to do. He saw the shine of unshed tears in the eyes of Simon, Brown and Rafe. "Well, do you still think they don't care?" Gabe asked. "I'm sure it was a shock to all of them," Blair said, "but that still doesn't mean that they're my friends." Gabe sighed in frustration. "Okay, fine what about this then." The scene changed to Simon's office. The captain and Megan were both sitting in chairs, forlorn looks on their faces. The door opened and Brown and Rafe entered quietly. "Hey Captain, any word on Blair yet?" Rafe asked. "I talked to Jim about an hour ago, he's hanging on, but the doctors still say it's only a matter of time." Simon rubbed his eyes. "God, I just can't believe this has happened. I mean why Sandburg? He's such a great kid." Megan's voice chimed in. "I know, it's not fair. I haven't known Sandy as long as the rest of you, but I really thought he was special you know? He was willing to give me a chance before anyone else here was." "You know, it's amazing the effect he's had on this whole department, I mean he's really had some good ideas on some the cases we worked together." Rafe said. "Not to mention taming the great monster we used to know as Jim Ellison." Brown added. "God, unless a miracle happens here, I guess we really are going to lose one of our own." Simon said, grimly. Continuing, he said, "I'm not getting a thing done here today. I think I'm going to take a run over to the hospital, see how Jim's holding up. The rest of you want to join me?" The picture faded from view and Gabe turned to Blair, "Well? I'd say they aren't just accepting you because of Jim, those people truly think of you as a friend." The scene had left Blair feeling more lost than before. In his eyes, he had always thought that these people had become his friends, he just hadn't known that they'd felt the same way. What he had just witnessed has proved that to him. But it didn't really matter anyway. "Okay, so you proved that I do have some people that care about me. There's a problem though, Gabe, and that's the fact that the only reason I ever met those people was because of Jim, and he's made it perfectly clear that he wants nothing more to do with me, or the dissertation. It's gonna be pretty hard to see those cops if Jim does not want me around." "Blair, for such an intelligent man, you really can be stupid sometimes." Gabe smiled, waving his arms and calling up another scene. "People say and do things sometimes that they regret later. If you hold on to the hurt and anger that those things cause, then even if you choose life, you're not really living." *** Jim Ellison sighed and scrubbed his face, then looked at his watch. Twelve o'clock. Simon had called an hour or so ago, checking on both Blair's condition and to see how Jim was doing. He had accepted Jim's decision to stay at his partner's bedside, and although he knew his captain wasn't happy about it, he also knew that Simon understood why Jim had to do it. Jim was tired, he admitted that to himself, even if he wouldn't to Simon or anyone else that had checked in on him in the past day. He had tried to grab a nap several times sitting in the chair by Blair's bedside, but every time he started to drop off, the vision of the wolf, hurt, bleeding then morphing into Blair came to him, and he would come awake with a start. He knew he had failed his guide, failed him in such a way that had proven fatal to Blair, and Jim knew he would never forgive himself. Worst of all, he knew that Blair would never forgive him, either. He had been so wrong, with the hurtful words he had said, and now he would never get the chance to make things right again. Suddenly, he heard a voice. At first, he thought his hearing had picked it up from another room, but then he recognized the words. Remembered hearing them before. "You didn't tell him." "How can ears that can hear a thousand miles not hear the whispers of his own heart." Jim remembered when he had first heard those words, coming from a homeless man who had said he was an angel. Words spoken to him after he and Blair had an argument over Blair's dissertation. 'God, was that only last week?' Jim thought. 'If only I could go back, take that man's advice. If only I could do it all over again." "Tell him what is in your heart, Sentinel." the voice now said. Suddenly, all of the feelings that Jim had kept locked up inside him flooded his brain, and he finally found the voice of his heart. Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, he began to speak. "God, Chief," he said, absently pushing back a stray lock of hair from Blair's face. "I don't know were to start, I just don't now how everything got so out of control so fast. A few weeks ago, we were talking about the Jags chances in the playoffs, now you're lying here, in this damn hospital bed, comatose with no chance of recovery." Tears welled in his eyes as he went on. "I am so sorry, Sandburg, about everything. I mean for reading your dissertation , after you asked me not to. Throwing you out of the loft, telling you that I didn't need you to tell me who I am. Simon was right, I couldn't have handled this Sentinel thing without you. God, I don't know how I'm going to handle it now without you." "You know I've been trying to figure why Alex decided she had to stick around Cascade, when she could just made a getaway. Why she took the chance to come to the university and why she felt she had to kill you. I think I know, see she's strong, not only physically, but mentally. I found that out when she and I had a go around before she came for you. She knows she can probably defeat me, alone, without my guide. But she also knows that if you and I are together, that there is no way she can beat us. Together we make too formidable an enemy, so she had to destroy the most important part of me, the strongest part of me, and that's you. Tears were streaming down the detective's cheeks now. "You know though, it's more than just this Sentinel thing, I mean, you're really my best friend. You said it best, buddy, it's about friendship, and it's me who didn't get it. You've given up so much for me, to help me. Hell, I can't blame you for thinking about yourself, and your dissertation when you first met Alex. You were right, you didn't know she was a criminal." "I know it's too late to make everything right now. There really is no such thing as a second chance. But please know that you will always more than my best friend, you'll always be my brother." Sobbing, Jim laid his head on the edge of Blair's bed, and placed a hand on the younger man's chest, over his heart. The picture vanished from Blair's view. Gabe, turned to him. "What do you think now?" Tears were in Blair's eyes when he answered. "I..I had no idea. I guess Jim and I really screwed things up, didn't we?" "It's not too late." "That thing he said about Alex, is he right?" Gabe nodded. "I told you there were many things you had left to do. The fact is, many of them are with your Sentinel. Jim is right, you and he are two parts of a whole, without you, he will not become the powerful Sentinel he was destined to become." He continued, "But you should not decide to return for that reason. You were right, friendship is the most important thing. If you choose to return, you must forgive Jim for his mistakes, just as he has forgiven you for yours." "I understand." "Good, now hurry, time is growing short, your mortal body is beginning to give up. You must make your choice Blair, do you choose to live or die?" Blair gave the angel a hug. "You know what my choice is, what it must be. Thanks to you Gabe, I choose life!" Sleep had finally come to the exhausted Sentinel, as his head rested on Blair's bedside. Suddenly, he felt something warm on the hand he had rested on Blair's chest. At first thinking he was dreaming, he felt it tighten, as if in a squeeze. Coming fully awake he realized that Blair's hand now rested on top of his. "What the..." he thought, then turned to look at his partner's face, amazed to see blue eyes staring back at him. "Blair.." he whispered, half believing that this was still some sort of dream. "Hey Jim." came the answer, strained, soft, but definitely Blair's voice. "Oh my God! I can't believe this, I can't believe it, are you real? I mean, you're really awake?" "It's really me, big guy." Just then a nurse burst through the doors of the room, having detected the change in Blair's heartbeat on her monitor at the nurse's station. She stopped short when she saw Blair conscious and apparently having a conversation with his friend. "I'll get Dr. Mitchell." she said, turning and hurrying from the room. *** Simon, Megan, Brown and Rafe had heard the commotion from the ICU waiting room and then heard the urgent page for Dr. Mitchell to report to Blair's room immediately. With sinking hearts, they were sure that the doctor was being called because Blair's condition had deteriorated. All four ran toward the hospital room. Jim was waiting outside, having been ushered out of the room by the medical personnel, now evaluating Blair's improved condition. Simon and Megan moved to stand beside him. "Jim what's happening?" Simon asked. Speechless with joy, the Sentinel could only look at them. Megan put her arm around him. "I know, Jim, it's hard, but Sandy's going to be in a better place from now on." Finally finding words, Jim looked at her, then to the three men standing around him. "You don't understand, he's awake, and talking. He recognized me, called me by name. He's going to be all right." "What?" Simon asked incredulously, while the others expressed their own disbelief at the turn of events. "I don't know what happened, he just opened his eyes and started talking. You know what though? I don't care. Call it a miracle if you want. The important thing is, he's alive." Dr. Mitchell came out of the room then, overhearing Jim's last words. "That's exactly what I'd call it, a miracle. Because I can't think of any other way to explain what just happened." She smiled, addressing everyone around her. "He's fine, he remembers everything, and there's no motor impairment. I'd like to keep him for overnight for observation, just to make sure that there are no side effects from the trauma. Then he'll be ready to go home." She shook her head. ''Damnedest thing I ever saw. But you know, every once in a while, something happens that really restores my faith." Looking at Jim, she said. "He was asking for you when I left, why don't you go back in for awhile." Jim nodded and gave her a quick hug. "I will, and thank you doctor, for everything." Smiling as she walked away, Dr. Mitchell thought to herself. 'I just wish it had been something I had done.' Quietly, as not to wake Blair if he was sleeping, Jim moved into the room and sat down in the chair again. Blair opened his eyes and looked at the older man. "Hey, Chief, sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." "No, it's okay Jim, I wasn't sleeping." Taking Jim's hand in his, he said, "Thanks for coming back, I was starting to feel pretty lonely." Jim smiled, "Well, I can guarantee that that won't last, Simon, Megan, Brown and Rafe are all in the waiting room, they can't wait to see you. And once the station hears what's happened I'm sure that the number of police in this hospital will make this the safest place in Cascade." "Right now, I'd rather you'd just stay, at least for a while, okay?" Jim moved over to sit on the side of Blair's bed. "Blair, I'll stay as long as you want." Tears formed in his eyes. "And I promise you, I will never again ask you to leave." Reaching down, he pulled the smaller man into a tight embrace, joy in his heart at the sound and feeling of Blair's strong, steady heartbeat. "God Blair, I can't believe I almost lost you. I am so sorry, buddy." Blair returned the hug, tears streaming down his face as well. "It's okay, Jim. I'm okay, and more importantly, we're okay." Looking down on the Sentinel and his Shaman, the angel smiled, yes all was right again with the world. "Well, it's like I always say, the hardest part of a miracle is making it look like an accident." Finis